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February 25th, 2018
Rumors Abound Regarding Donald Trump’s DNA Information
By Dale Roethlisberger

We keep being asked to write about information we have received regarding genetic-testing data about President Donald’s Trump’s DNA. We are inundated with anonymous sources relating to objects used by Donald Trump and then recovered and submitted to “ancestry.com” or “23andme.com” with wild and crazy results being reported. Of course, Donald Trump could clear up this whole issue by having the tests done by both companies and then releasing the records to the public. But alas, our President does not seem to do well with revealing much documentation about himself. So, we are left with only rumors about the contents of these reports.

For example, we heard one story that ‘ancestry.com’ reported a supposed Trump artifact’s DNA test results showed: 46% Mongolian Cossack (this could explain his Russian affinity or maybe it’s a Red herring); 37% gypsy Romani (we believe this to be a slur about liars, thieves, and scoundrels); 22% sub-Saharan African (oops, this could be racially embarrassing); and 18% Polish (another ham-handed slur about using what little intelligence capability exists for a specific person). We did some research and have concluded this report is bogus. First of all, the percentages add up to more than 100% , and the only DNA category that actually may be in use by ‘ancestry.com’ is sub-Saharan African. You decide.

An example of the stories we hear about ’23andme.com’ involves the silver and gold hotel pieces of the Donald’s childhood Monopoly set which he used to suck on as he was being weaned from thumb-sucking. We think it hard to believe that someone with access to Trump’s personal collection of memorabilia even knew about this ‘Rosebud’ object, but this is the supposed object tested by ’23andme.com’. Reported DNA results are as follows: 44% Nazi German; 34% un-localized Lunatic Fringe; 23% huge Asshole; 22% Uncaring Greedy Oligarch; and 5% Repulsive Reptilian. We are astounded that anyone would not see this suffers from the same greater than 100% percentages total, and none of the categories were confirmed by ’23andme.com’.

We have done this analysis to show how Fake News can generate wild and crazy results. We hope that President Donald Trump takes official DNA tests and releases the actual reports. He owes it to himself and his ever-dwindling supporters to have, at least, some truth.

July 28th, 2017
Military ‘Dufus’ and His First Half Year As Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. Military
By Dale Roethlisberger

In his high-school days, President Donald J. Trump, appeared to be the goon-in-chief for his junior year (circa. 1963) at the New York Military Academy enforcing shoe-shining and barracks orderliness. That changed when he was essentially put on “administrative leave” in the headmasters office for his senior year (Graduating in 1964). This action pertains to some innuendo involving an underclassman claiming ‘hazing’ practices (it wasn’t Trump himself, but one of his goon team). Even in the 1960’s, many schools considered “hazing” as an undesirable activity. The New York Military Academy isn’t West Point, and it’s students did not spend much time studying Hannibal, Genghis Khan, Hitler, and Eisenhower about military strategy, or how to Captain a Navy vessel. This was a place where Fred Trump felt he needed to warehouse his son and keep him away from the influences of the “street” in New York City. This was the inauspicious beginning of The Donald’s ideas and experience about all things “military”.

The Vietnam era of Trump’s supposed military prowess began when he registered for the Selective Service Draft after his 18th birthday. Donald Trump acquired “student deferment status, 2-S” for the four years he attended Fordham University and later the Wharton School for Economics. There appears to be no documentation about his transfer application, but the Donald was able to be accepted for transfer to Wharton. Some claim it was some manipulation of daddy’s money or influence that did the trick, but there is no public documentation. Don’t believe the guff Donald Trump spews about his academic performance at Wharton, graduation articles and accolades about his graduating class say little, if anything, about the grandeur of his academic career. Even if you had half a brain, this was the primary method of draft evasion, and if you could get into an accredited institution and manage to maintain academic progress over that time period in your life, four years of “2-S” draft deferment was your prize. I know, I took advantageof a (2-S) selective service deferment while at Penn State.

The Donald received a “1-Y” disqualifying classification (for bone spurs) in his feet in the fall of 1968 after graduating Wharton, but this statuswas always temporary and involved additional physical exams every 6 months or so until the status was changed to “1-A” or the draft board doctors determined it to be a significant permanent medical reason for granting “4-F” status, thus rendering the recipient permanently exempt from military status (unless an actual war was declared by Congess – Vietnam was never an actual declared war). No records of his medical state after graduation or when or if additional exams were conducted and it appears he was never assigned “4-F” status (criminal, mental, medical, racist, or other permanently disqualifying conditions). You did not want this classification as your final status with Selective Service as a judgment of your military suitability for the rest of your life. Too bad, in my opinion, he was definitely “4-F”, but not because of “bone spurs”.

Providence shone brightly on the Donald, as the first National Draft Lottery was held December 1, 1969, and it resulted in Donald Trump receiving a higher number for his birthday than the cutoff for drafting birth-dates commencing in 1970. Those with high draft numbers who switched to draft status “1-A” were essentially guaranteed to not be called up in their one year of eligibility. I know, like the Donald, I had a high lottery number, and I switched to “1-A” in 1970 and never had to worry about the draft again.

And so, Donald Trump went off to his career and life without much further involvement with the military. And now, he is the Commander-in-Chief. My only comment is, not denying the first use of nuclear weapons, and fire and fury to the North Koreans, and countless other military lunacies just seems to reflect very little input from our vast store of military knowledge and professionals. His non-reliance on reports from our myiad of “intelligence” agencies and life-long professionals in this field indicates an almost complete lack of “intelligence” on his part. This is another can-of-worms we might open on another occasion. But one thing about Donald Trump is for sure, his ideas and pronouncements about our military are insane and dangerous.

January 25th, 2017
President Trump Considers Name Change For Oval Office
By Dale Roethlisberger

In order to honor campaign promises to ‘drain the swamp’, President Trump is considering changing the name of his office in the White House to the Offal Office (the repository where waste is drained). Former Presidential Adviser, Steve Bannon, is pushing very hard to make the name change to the Oaf-full Office to properly reflect the collection of staff who most often visit the President in his office. This is something that could be accomplished via Executive Order. We suggest you write, call, or email all your government representatives to inform them of your choice whether you would prefer just ‘shit’ or ‘shitheads’ in the President’s Office.

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